Cool Things I Own

A Marshall speaker.

This Bluetooth enabled, old-school looking device is crystal clear and the bass can shake the house. In fact, the speaker was impressive enough that I’ve purchased the next size down for my daughter and that speaker was promptly christened Marsha. My speaker has kind of acquired a personality and I often get asked if I can bring Marshall along to provide the music for gatherings. I guess my sister is the exception to the rule though. When she asks if I’m bringing Marshall it’s because the speaker is too loud and she hates loud. So, this year for Christmas I bought the smaller version for her. I think that might bring her to the dark side. As an added bonus, the latest version has a twenty hour battery built in and so I suspect I’ll have to get one for myself. It will be great for the boat. The only downside is people that bitch because Marshall is too good.

Zippo Lighters.

I love fire. Zippo lighters are fire in a metal box. I’d forgotten how satisfying it was to fill the lighter, and the smell of the fluid and the lighter once lit is almost as comforting to me as roasting chicken on a Sunday evening. Plus the lighter is wind resistant and makes that satisfying click noise when you snap it shut. Everyone should have a zippo lighter. The only downside is my wife bitching about errant ignited fluid during the refilling process.

A Takedown Recurve Bow.

Very cool item in my opinion. It’s laminated wood and it looks awesome. Also, it’s relatively easy to string and pretty damn accurate. The first couple of times I used it I was amazed by how often the target was hit at distance and how much force impacted said target. It gave me an understanding of how lethal a group of trained archers could be when everyone else is having a sword fight. The bow has provided all kinds of entertainment and almost all people want to try it as soon as I produce it. The downsides include finding a decent spot to let the arrows fly and the fact it needs to be treated as lethal. So, that means keeping it stowed when alcohol or children are on the scene. Also, my wife hates it when I string it in the house. Nobody is going to shoot in the house. I string it so people understand how difficult it is to draw to full weight. But, apparently a notched arrow becoming an in house projectile is much more likely once the bow is strung.

Two Black Cats.

I should probably clarify by saying that no one ever truly owns a cat. However, these two seem to have decided that they belong here and so we have an arrangement. They are feisty little buggers that tear ass around the house and my wife really like them. They are decent company and need to be in whatever room we happen to occupy at the moment. Downsides include shedding, gross cat food and those fucking litter boxes.

Knives.

I have lots of knives. All of them are good quality from one of a kind Damascus steel to a handmade Laotian scaling knife that Krista bought for me on one of her intercontinental jaunts. I have Canadian special forces knives, hunting knives, a Gurkha knife, filleting knives, opinel knives, throwing knives, a diving knife and an assortment of cooking and carving knives. I have a knife from India and I have a few swiss army knives. I guess the knives are a collection but my wife thinks it’s a dumbass choice if a person is going to collect stuff. The downside is keeping them sharp and watching my wife roll her eyes when I bring them all out at once to show guests.

Sand from Juno Beach.

Last year I got to go to Normandy. I toured all of the landing beaches but my heritage made me really want to go to Juno. I was able to personally collect some sand from the Canadian landing beach and it’s a very cool item to have. My great Uncle landed there. Not on D-day but about a week later. Doesn’t matter to me though. The connection is as real to me as the history and I’m very happy to have the souvenir of my trip. I don’t see a downside except maybe if every tourist takes sand then maybe they’ll run out.

A Nikon camera.

A D3200 to be exact. But what makes the camera cool is the lens. An AF-S Nikkor 55 – 300 mm. It’s cool because the amount of zoom and the automatic setting on the camera body can turn out pictures that make you look like a much better photographer than you really are. Also, I dropped it on some rocks when we were in the Bahama’s and it still works. I also like the fact that you can take hundreds of pictures and then just delete the shitty ones. I guess if there’s a downside it would be the cost of the lens. I don’t know exactly how much the lens was because I got it for a gift but I think they’re kind of pricey.

A fire pit.

I already mentioned this, but I love fire. The fire pit is the best piece of deck furniture a person could own. If the fire is burning people will sit on beer boxes just to be near. Having said that, we have deck furniture but for some strange reason the fire pit is mine and everything else belongs to my wife. Except the barbeque/smoker egg. The regular barbeque also belongs to my wife. The downside is listening to my wife make judgements about how large of a fire can be built and sometimes the neighbors bitch.

An Instapot.

Seriously, buy one. We cook our perogies in it and they are the best I’ve ever had. Mac and cheese is deadly and has spelled the end of Kraft dinner in our house. You can drop a chicken carcass in it and a few other ingredients and forty minutes later have soup broth that normally takes the better part of a day to cook. We’ve just started to explore the thousands of recipe possibilities that are all over the internet and the options are bewildering. I don’t see a downside to owning an Instapot.

A boat.

I live in Northwestern Ontario and so a boat in my opinion is a necessity. The boat is an average boat. Almost 19 feet long with a 150 horsepower motor. It’s big enough to deal with inclement weather but not so large that you need to take out a loan to fill it with petrol. It’s cool because you can fish or cruise, but the best part is that Lake of the Woods is it’s own watery world. Once you get on the water everything changes. The sounds and smell of your environment change and so do your social options. Everyone that lives near water should have a boat. The downside includes gas and maintenance and knowing where you’re going. Hitting a rock is an expensive proposition. You have to watch for the O.P.P. if anyone in the boat is drinking but it’s not a terrible thing to have to stay sober to drive. You also have to watch for the fish narcs but everyone needs to be licensed anyway and I understand the conservation idea behind fishing limits, so the ministry officers are more of an inconvenience than anything.

A Phillips beard trimmer.

This little baby has almost taken the place of my razor. It provides enough of a trim that I don’t look like I just came back from a three day camping trip and so I don’t need to scrape a blade across my face to look civilized. The blade scraping causes cuts and dry skin and this helps me avoid those unpleasantries. I still need to shave with a razor if we’re going out to an event but the number of face scraping moments have dropped considerably since it’s purchase. There is no downside.

A sword.

It’s my Uncle’s from his service in the Canadian navy. It’s cool because it’s a fucking sword. The only downside is not having another sword so my wife can worry about indoor sword fighting. I’m actually in the market for another sword but I’m receiving some static so I’m still negotiating the terms.

A huge flat screen Sony T.V.

I mentioned it’s huge right? Enough said, There is no downside.

An S.U.V.

Some people think an S.U.V. is not cool. Treehuggers mostly I guess. But I already mentioned that I live in Northwestern Ontario so the Treehuggers can get fucked, Have you ever noticed that the people who most want to hug tree’s tend to live in a place where they don’t have tree’s because they cut them down to make room for the city they inhabit? I have all wheel drive, cargo space for four sets of golf clubs, heated seats and good winter tires. I feel safe. the view is elevated and the vehicle is powerful. Gas is the only downside.

I could go on about the cool things in my possession and might add another post at another time but this should do for now.

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