I had a decent day yesterday. Mainly because I managed to find enough discipline to challenge my natural tendency toward procrastination. I wired three outside lights so our security camera’s could be properly installed, and so now I don’t have to stare at the boxes they were in anymore. Boxes that my wife strategically placed just out of site so I couldn’t accuse her of pressuring me, but close enough that they were impossible to avoid.
But as usual there were problems, because no project large or small ever goes smoothly. I think though that the odds of having to overcome obstacles increases exponentially with the duration and complexity of the project. In the case of the lights, the project was not all that complicated but there were enough issues to be able to comfortably bitch about them.
For starters our electrical panel wasn’t labeled as well as it should be. We solved that issue with cell phones and without yelling back and forth. My wife was in the basement and I was outside, and we speaker phone communicated until we got the power turned off in the right place. Also neither of us could read the labelling even with glasses on, and so the accursed cell phones came to the rescue again. We took a couple of pictures and then enlarged the pics so we could read the non-specific labelling. Then my wife took the pics and after some consultation she added specific location details, typed a new list and printed a larger font version that she attached to the electrical panel.
So obstacle number one was resolved.
Then we had to move all of the flora on the deck to get at the lights. Apparently I don’t move the plants correctly and so I was dismissed from the area until all the greenery was relocated.
Next on the list was acquiring all of the required accessories. This never goes smoothly. It’s inevitable that more tools will be required that weren’t anticipated. This is always a problem because I’m on the ladder and so my wife is the best candidate for tool fetching. The problem is that she doesn’t know the names of most of the tools and so it’s a crap shoot if she’s going to return with the right screwdriver. But the woman has learned, and so she brings a handful and lets me select. I though I had everything I needed before we began yesterday but I was mistaken. I unboxed the lights and I looked at all of the parts and I thought I was good. But once I got the old lights off there were a couple of problems. One of the wiring boxes wasn’t secured. I fucking hate that, and so I had to mount it properly. Then the connecting bracket for the old lights was offset and they had to come out, which I half assed expected. But for some reason the initial installer had used both Phillip’s and Robertson screws, and so my wife had to go on a screwdriver quest.
As I was wiring the lights I was pretty sure that the new baseplates were going to be a problem, and I was right. They were larger than the old ones and our house has a stucco finish and I was pretty sure the new ones weren’t going to seat properly. But I didn’t want to share my anxiety to my tool fetcher, and so I kept that detail to myself.
Until they didn’t seat. Then I had to share and now we had two problems. First problem was I needed a hammer and a chisel. Hammer was a non-issue, but chisel was a roll of the dice. However she nailed both of them and so we were good. Second problem was my helper didn’t think it was the greatest idea to chisel away some of the stucco. This problem required a dash of shit losing. Not a complete tirade, but a semi-animated ask for her to provide a fucking option.
Her option was to remind me that I didn’t need to be a prick about it. And so she held the lights while I chiseled and got stucco dust in her hair. After a bit of fucking about we finally got the lights seated. However, I wasn’t entirely satisfied because they’re outside lights and the seal wasn’t perfect. I mentioned this to my wife and was preparing to dismount the ladder for the inevitable run to Canadian tire, when she handed me a tube of silicon she had snagged while she was on the chisel run.
I was impressed, and she was pleased with herself that she had waited until I got pissy about having to go to Canadian tire before she revealed her silicon surprise.
So all that remained was the clean up and put accessories away task. My tools are my tools. I can put them away wherever I want. However shared tools like stepladders and extension cords need to go back to a specific location and I’ve been told I’m not very good at that. I was further informed that I was dismissed from moving the plants because I wouldn’t put them back in the exact place they’d come from. Kind of like the stepladder.
So, I went and did some stretching exercises which I hate, but need to do. Old people are like old cars. We need maintenance and if you ignore that maintenance then you’re going to blow a head gasket or a shoulder. And then just like an insurance adjustor, the doctor gets to decide if you can be repaired or if you’re a write off. So, I did some maintenance.
I was feeling like I was on a roll and so I decided to keep the momentum going. So, I made a play list. This might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things but this playlist was more challenging than usual. It’s background music for a celebration of life for a friend of mine who checked out recently. He’s been my friend for damned near half a century and that duration made the playlist challenging. The two of us have listened to a lot of music together, and I needed to come up with a soundtrack that reflected both the duration and the genre’s that appealed to both of us. I was about half way through the tune selection when it occurred to me that the choices I was making weren’t really about me. That set me back a little, and some editing was required to get it right. Then there was the order of the songs to deal with. My friends tastes were varied, maybe a smidge eclectic, and I needed to get some flow happening that made sense. I’ve got to say that I debated whether to include any music that even approached somber. Because the event already sucks whether you call it a celebration or not, and I didn’t want to give people a musical blubbering trigger.
But he liked the blues and so it was sort of unavoidable. I got it done though, and now all I have left is figuring out what I’m going to say at the ceremony. Because his wife asked me to speak, and unless I develop Bell’s Palsy my participation is looking unescapable.
I’ve done the eulogy bit a few times. I guess it’s kind of an honor, but it’s funny how accepting an honor is so often accompanied by an obligation. You usually have to do something, and in this case that means finding the right words and then stringing them together in a sequence that provides a desirable effect. I’m not exactly sure what’s desirable though. Some people like and expect nothing but accolades for the departed. Other people want humorous anecdotes, and some people want a prayer thrown in.
I do know that I’m not the prayer guy. Someone else can do that. I also know that I’m going to write my chosen words down. I’m also going to edit and reread those words until I have them essentially memorized. I’ve been to funerals where people thought winging it was a good plan, and it would have been better for everyone involved if they had written something onto a piece of paper.
And then read it to someone to see if it made sense.
I think I have the general thread figured out for what I want to say. Now I just need a muse moment to put the words in the proper order.
I’ll probably do it the night before. My personal muse seems to like last minute arrivals.