Road Trip

I just took a short road trip to Winnipeg. The highways were just fine considering it’s December and the drivers were predictably puzzling. I think the trip is a reflection of people in general and these driving habits exist anywhere that there’s a road. 

Why people drive the way they do is a mystery. I understand that some people are more cautious than others and I also get that some people are straight up stupid. I still don’t understand though how you can be clever enough to pass a written test but not smart enough to remember anything the test was meant to address. Also, every person on the road needs to honestly assess their driving skillset and make an adult decision regarding the hazard you pose to the general public.

Almost everyone thinks they’re a great driver. The truth is that Alain Prost and Michael Schumacher are great drivers. The rest of us are very good to absolutely terrible and damn near everyone makes a mental error on occasion. Most of the time we get away with it with only a mumbled, “Fuck, I didn’t even see that guy.” But, every now and then we crash and hope the harnesses and airbags do their job.

It’s kind of interesting that we build safety equipment into cars. We’ve accepted that the convenience of mobility is worth the risk. We know cars are going to crash and have spent as much time and technology dealing with that inevitability as we have trying to prevent accidents. Imagine if you were issued a parachute on all commercial flights because the pilot was eventually going to fuck up. I think you would fly less if you were unable to assure yourself that your pilot was competent. But, we don’t seem to have a problem getting into a car with a driver whose skills are dubious at best.

Vehicles and drivers kill 1.3 million people every year and roughly 40 million people are injured in that same timespan. To lend a visual to those numbers that means that every year we kill everyone in Calgary and the entire populations of Mumbai and Shanghai are injured.

It would seem with crash statistics in the millions every day that people would pay attention, and maybe think about the manner in which they operate their death chariot. But it’s not likely that we’re going to have a mass rethink of our driving skills when the majority of people believe they’re great drivers and everyone else sucks.

I guess there are many opinions of driving rules and courtesy which in and of itself is odd. Odd or not there appear to be schools of thought about how to deal with driving and sometimes I wonder if some people ever bother to apply any logic at all to how they drive.

So, back to the road trip.

1. If you’re passing me on the left and you are only going a kilometer or two faster than me then you’re a dick. You don’t need to hold up the rest of the world and you don’t need to stay right fucking beside me for five minutes. All you have to do is gently accelerate until you’re by me and then move over into the right lane. Why would you position your tons of metal next to my tons of metal for any longer than you need to? Also, if you’re slowly passing me on the left and can see that I’m going to catch the transport in front of me then why the hell won’t you accelerate so I don’t have to brake and wait for you? 
2. Lights are bright these days. I’ll admit that I find the headlights of oncoming or overtaking cars a challenge on occasion. But, I can’t understand why a person would flash their high beams in relatively heavy traffic. Some asshole coming toward me decided that the guy in front of me had his high beams on and so he lit him up with his own high beams. In the process he temporarily blinded his intended target plus me and the car in front of him. Why would you blind another driver hurtling toward you at 100 kilometers an hour separated from you by about five feet of highway? Plus, the odds are that the vehicle that drew his ire was equipped with newer headlights and didn’t even have his or her brights on. Like I said, lights are bright these days.
3. Why are you driving if the experience is terrifying? If a little rain or snow causes you to drive well under the speed limit, then you need to reevaluate whether you really need to be on the road. That over abundance of caution you’re exhibiting isn’t responsible driving. What you’re doing is creating a traffic jam because you’re incompetent. You might feel safe but your inabilities have now caused a situation where the traffic has become congested and the increase in vehicle proximity reduces reaction time. Simply put, your concept of safe motoring has actually increased the likelihood of an accident.
4. Signal lights are not an option like heated seats. Signal lights are inclusive in every vehicle and it’s amazing that people don’t use them. The use of a direction indicator reduces your chances of getting t-boned by frustrated twenty year old’s who have completely lost their shit after following you for the last ten kilometers at fifteen clicks under the speed limit. Signal lights provide an insight on which direction you intend to point your motoring incompetence.
5. Backing up. If you can’t back your vehicle up then you need to go to an empty parking lot and practice. Until you’ve acquired this skill, you shouldn’t be allowed to drive. While you’re at it maybe practice parallel parking.
6. Distracted driving. This shit is real and I’m not talking about just phones. Some people seem to instantly morph into an inattentive driving mode that I find perplexing. It would seem to me that once you’re strapped into your seat and made the decision to grip the steering wheel and apply pressure to a gas pedal that your awareness would increase. But instead people become less aware. I guess all of their cognitive ability is in use just trying to stay in their own fucking lane and they don’t have enough brain cells on standby to deal with signal lights, mirror usage or traffic circles. If all of your concentration is required to perform the rudiments of driving then you need to reconsider if you’re the right person to be behind the wheel. If you add trying to work a navagitation system or a stereo to the already challenged then you have a disaster waiting to happen.

I could go on and on but instead I’ll end with a small list of driving habits that make me shake my head.

• Drivers who need to swing to the left to turn to the right.
• Drivers who can’t navigate a curve without crossing the center line.
• Drivers who pull up to your bumper when your signal light is indicating you’d like to parallel park.
• Drivers who brake through a green light.
• Drivers who slow almost to a stop because they saw something interesting on the roadside.
• Drivers who believe that turning their hazard lights on means they have magically created a parking spot.
• Drivers who think a four way stop is a competition.
• Drivers who tailgate when opportunities abound to pass you.
• Drivers who cut in front of you when the room to do so is debatable at best and then drive ten clicks under the speed limit.
• People who have no concept of where their vehicle physically sits on the road. These people will swing directly into your lane to get around a parked car on their side of the road. They don’t need to come into your lane but their spatial abilities suck badly. Watching one of these people try to park is reason enough for me to walk to the mall doors because I parked a quarter of a mile away to avoid douche bag parkers.
• Inexperienced semi-trailer drivers.
• Drivers who pass you five times in half an hour when you have your cruise control set.

I could probably go on for hours but I think everyone knows what I’m talking about. So, I’ll end with another driving thought. Your responsibility to be aware extends to before you get into your vehicle. To me a sane person shouldn’t run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. I think a person’s driving responsibility includes having the right tires with air in them. I think your brake lights should work and you shouldn’t run out of window washer in the spring. I think you have an obligation to sweep off snow and clear your goddamn windows before your vehicle moves. I think you have an obligation to make sure your brakes get looked at occasionally and I firmly believe that a driving plan is a fine idea prior to a trip. Having some idea where you are is pretty helpful. Having some idea where you want to go before you get in the car means you’ve thought this out. You won’t have to scream over three lanes to make your exit. You won’t have to make an illegal U-turn and you won’t end up puzzled by the lights coming toward you on a one way street.

But, I’m not very hopeful any of my complaining is going to make a difference so I’ll settle for my current philosophy when behind the wheel. Think of the most idiotic thing another driver might do and be ready for that exact thing to happen.