My wife was bitten by a spider a couple of days ago. When she showed me the puncture wounds from the fangs I was a little concerned. Only a little though, because although we have the rare brown recluse in our neck of the woods, we’re happy to be free of the rest of the giant and poisonous arachnids. So, after determining that a trip to emergency was unnecessary, I asked her if she felt like climbing walls, or if she had seen an increase in her strength and dexterity. She had no idea what I was talking about.
Spiderman I said as I watched her blank stare. Spiderman became spiderman after getting bitten by a spider. Oh, she replied, I didn’t know that.
Right at that moment the appropriate response from me should have been, how the hell do you not know that? So, that’s pretty much what I said. I think I may have actually said, how the fuck do you not know that?
Her reply was something to the effect that not everyone cares to know about the origins of a comic book character. I had an immediate riposte ready for her. A comeback that would have suggested casual attention to the world around her should have been enough to accidentally pick up the trivia regarding Peter Parker.
But, I didn’t say much of anything. I just shrugged and we moved on to a different topic. I bit my tongue because she used the word care, and that one word jolted the smugness of my perspective and started a cascade of care to know conjecture.
After some thought, I’ve come to some conclusions.
- Everyone has a different list of things they believe everyone else should know.
- You already know the things you think other people should know.
- Everyone has different memory capacity.
- People remember things that they like or find interesting.
- Your list is dependent on your experiences so far in this life.
- Your list is reflective of what you read.
- Your list is reflective of what you don’t read.
- Your list is reflective if you don’t read at all.
- Your list includes life lessons. Things you were forced to do or experience.
- You will invariably forget some of the things you included in an early list.
With the above ten tenets in place. I’m still going to forge ahead and share my current, up to date, hot off the press list of things that I think every adult should know.
- Everyone should know how to make fire.
- Everyone should know how to use that fire.
- Everyone should know how to determine North, South, East and West.
- Everyone should know how to speak their own language properly.
- Everyone should know the Heimlich maneuver.
- Everyone should know at least one Greek God.
- Everyone should know how to sharpen a knife.
- Everyone should know when to run.
- Everyone should know how to stop the bleeding.
- Everyone should know how to listen.
I think I’ll come back to my list after a little more thought, so for a different perspective, here’s my wife’s list.
- Everyone should know how to cook.
- Everyone should know how much money they have.
- Everyone should know what’s poisonous and shouldn’t be eaten.
- Everyone should know an escape route.
- Everyone should know where to get groceries.
- Everyone should know what time it is.
- Everyone should know when it’s supper time.
- Everyone should know how to do laundry.
- Everyone should know where their pets are.
- Everyone should know to not ingest or roll in things you were allergic to the first time.
And here’s my daughters thirties list.
- Everyone should be able to open a bottle of wine without ripping the cork apart and ending up with little bits of cork floating around in your wine glass.
- Everyone should be able to cook one good meal so you can trick people into thinking you’re capable.
- Everyone should be able to go through airport security without being an asshole, and holding up everyone else.
- Everyone needs to know at least one good joke. Even if it’s a dad joke, you may need it.
- Everyone should know that when you blow a breaker sometimes it looks back in place but it’s not. It’s lying and you have to turn it on and off.
- Everyone needs to know how to tell someone no firmly without guilt.
- Everyone should know the difference between there, their and they’re…in fact you should know the difference between similar sounding words if English is your first language.
- Everyone should know one book recommendation to give everyone.
- Everyone should know basic first aid.
- Everyone should know at least one serial killer.
Admittedly, a mere ten must know items is a pretty short list. A person could go on and on and you can create a new list for each and every phase of your life. So, its obvious that a must know item from 12th century China isn’t going to make anyone’s top ten in Toronto in 2019.
But there are some general thoughts around behaviors of people that might be transferable through the ages. Deep shit like everyone should know how to recognize an arsehole or maybe the truth. Or everyone should know how to be kind or god forbid, helpful.
But screw the philosophy. I’m going to sum up with a specific list. A list that I believe reflects where I live on the planet and the fact that it’s 2019. This list is of course reflective not just of the age that I live in but also the age that I am.
- Everyone should know how to put their phone in airplane mode.
- Everyone should know that standing side by side on an escalator is an asshole move.
- Everyone should know where the bloody garbage cans are.
- Everyone should know how and where to park.
- Everyone should know how to effectively search on Google.
- Everyone should know that sunscreen isn’t a bad idea.
- Everyone should know that meth is a bad idea.
- Everyone should know that turning to the right tightens and to the left loosens.
- Everyone should know how to use a remote control.
- Everyone should know not to download unknown e-mail attachments.
- Everyone should know about tracking devices in your phone and fitbit.
- Everyone should know that Alexa is recording.
- Everyone should know that left hand turns can be difficult and fuck up the traffic flow.
- Everyone should know how to shut the main water line off.
- Everyone should know how to pump gas.