My wife and I are going on a road trip in March. One way or another we need to get from our house to another house in Florida. The distance, (assuming no side adventures) is 3000 kilometers one way, give or take a few hundred kilometers.
Two years ago, I drove to the same destination by myself. I drove 16 hours the first day, and 14 hours the second day. I stopped for gas, restrooms and something to drink. I think that after 8 hours or so of driving, that I also purchased a sandwich at one of the gas refueling sites.
This trip is going to be different.
Two years ago I took half the distance, or 1500 kilometers, and determined that I needed to get to Bloomington Illinois before I found somewhere to sleep. I woke up at four in the morning in my Bloomington hotel, and after staring at the ceiling for a bit, I decided that sleep wasn’t in the cards and so I brushed my teeth and got back on the interstate.
This journey is going to be different.
My wife in the passenger seat is why this drive is going to be different. She doesn’t drive, and so any idea of changing drivers and sleeping in the vehicle has never been plausible. But she’s assured me that even if she did drive, that no one is sleeping in the goddamn car. Also, she detests driving at night.
So, we’re stopping more often than I would if I were alone. I’ve been bothering this woman for the last few days, to provide me with some parameters for how many stops she thinks we need to make, and she hasn’t been very responsive.
Kind of bitchy actually.
But today, I restructured the question, and instead of asking her how many kilometers she could endure in one stretch, I asked how many hours she could sit in the passenger seat. She still hasn’t answered me, but I get this sense that she’s close to coming up with a number. I’ve tried to explain that if the number she gives me is four hours, that I understand circumstances might occur where we require a stop in less than that. Another goddamn bathroom break as an example. Or maybe a roadside flea or antique market.
I’m not going to lock the doors and refuse to let her out for four hours once the gas is pumped and our seat belts are fastened. I want to, but I won’t. But I need her to decide on a damn number. I need her to decide so that I can select a route that provides interesting or scenic places for all the stopping we’re going to be doing.
As our vacation discussion evolved, I pointed out that it would be nice to get to Eau Claire Wisconsin the first day. My logic being that Eau Claire was sufficiently far south to not have to worry too much about a snowstorm in late March. Also I didn’t think that there were too many Wisconsin or Minnesota places we needed to stop at between Duluth and Eau Claire.
My wife reluctantly agreed, so it looks like we might stay in the vehicle for seven hours and forty nine minutes, according to the google. So, that means at least one stop in that eight hour period, and I think I’ve figured out what one stop means to my co-pilot.
One stop means we’re going to walk around for awhile. Maybe browse through some shops if any are available. One stop means we’re going to sit down to eat, and that we’re going to the bathroom leisurely without having to pee and wash up before the gas is finished pumping.
So, at least an hour, and now we’re up to eight hours and forty nine minutes from home to Eau Claire.
Once I told her the new number, I learned another one of her codicils that she’d been keeping to herself. That eight hours of travel in one day was her maximum. So, now I’m understanding the travel parameters. Four hours tops in one stretch, and eight hours maximum in one day, with stoppage time included in the eight hours.
Sadly, this doesn’t get us to Eau Claire. I need another hour and my wife isn’t happy. I explained that if I could, I’d generate an earthquake that shifted an intact Eau Claire an hour closer to the Canadian border. But I’m a little low on my earth shifting powers at the moment, so it’s unlikely. After inquiring as to why I always need to be a dick, my co-pilot has agreed that I may have one more hour. However, she cedes me this one hour reluctantly because she fears that once I get one hour it’s only a matter of time before I ask for another.
There are people in my family who question why we even have a plan. These people think that we should just set off at an undetermined time and let fate decide when and where we stop. It will be relaxing and romantic they insist.
I don’t see too much romantic about having to stay overnight at some dodgy hotel in the middle of miles of cornfields. All that we’d need is a Bates motel sign to complete the experience.
Anyway. I’m trying to make a plan and I’m not getting too much help. I’ve introduced the idea that if we stop at the right places then the trip might be enhanced. I’v suggested that we work our way to the American East coast and stop at Savanna on the way there and Charleston on the way back. I tried to get my wife to look at some maps so she could see the route possibilities, and although she stood and looked at the monitor it was apparent she wasn’t too interested in the details.
Except she did tell me that she wasn’t interested in driving through the Daniel Boone National forest. Apparently we have lots of tree’s where we live and she doesn’t need to see any more.
I shall endure. One way or another I’m going to come up with some sort of itinerary. Even if I’m the only one who knows or cares about it.