Anti-Social

In the last week, I’ve been accused on three separate occasions of being anti-social. I don’t think the accusations are entirely lacking in merit, but I’ll add the codicil that each and every person has a different opinion on what constitutes sociability.

Apparently there’s an invisible line somewhere that a person needs to find and balance upon. Stray too far to one side and you’re a social butterfly, unable to be taken seriously. Stray to the other side and you’re anti-social, unable to be taken anywhere.

To be clear. I am not against society as the term anti-social would imply. I have no problem with the concept of society at all. Some variations of society I find less appealing than others, but all in all, the concept of some rules and cooperation among a particular group of people is a fine idea. To that end I’ve paid taxes for many years. I’ve voted diligently in all levels of government. I’ve served on jury duty and I’ve served as president of an active and relatively powerful trade Union. I’ve played on sporting teams and I’ve taken children to Disney world. I’ve managed an office, done some charitable work and I go to some funerals and weddings.

I think all of those things would imply that I’m actually pro-society. I suppose though that a person can be pro-society and anti-social at the same time. I guess I fit in that category if the category does indeed exist. I like the idea of structure that a functioning society requires, but I don’t like the fact that you need people to make the structure function. Notice that I didn’t say function well.

Because once you add people to any structured institution, it’s only a matter of time until corruption breeds decay and decay brings collapse. People are like moisture on iron that invites rust. People are like the heavy jeans that have lodged themselves to one side of the washer and are causing the drum to lose its center. People are why I’m anti-social.

Without exception, every social event is a judgement fest. Without fail, every social congregation is a continuous lobbying session to impose your beliefs and ultimately your will on others. Each and every social gathering is a preen fest catwalk and a pecking order cat fight. Sometimes the claws are real and sometimes they’re verbal talons. Real or perceived, the intent of the claws is to facilitate competition. It makes me tired and cynical just from thinking about the spectacle.

That’s one way to look at a gathering.

My wife has a different perspective. She doesn’t distinguish between being social and being human. She believes that social interaction is integral to defining oneself. I disagree obviously, but I still marvel at how effortlessly she adopts and then adapts to every role that society mandates she play. I find the role playing awkward and unnatural, and so I try to avoid as many of those circumstances as humanly possible.

I also firmly believe that the larger the group of people in a social environment, the better the odds are that I’m going to be forced to listen to something I didn’t want or need to hear.

Like an unsolicited and idiotic opinion.

I also believe that the more intimate the group, the better the odds are that I’m going to be forced to witness a trans-formative or emotional moment in someone’s life. A moment where someone cries, throws a tantrum, or otherwise surrenders control of themselves. I find those moments particularly uncomfortable.

I suppose a persons perspective determines how much ease they feel in a social environment. Some people love the idea of being part of a huge Asian or Catholic family where everyone is thigh deep in everyone elses business.

I’m more of an only child kind of guy.