Darksiders

I sometimes wonder where people find the mental strength to persevere on the dark side. Don’t they ever want to pet a puppy, or give a couple bucks to a homeless person? Don’t they ever feel like helping a granny with her groceries or lending a neighbor a hand?

I guess it’s hard to lend a phalange when all of the appendages you possess are busy in the till, stabbing a knife into someone’s back, or fondling yourself.

Where do these demi-demons find the energy every morning to stand in their home with a cup of coffee in hand, and decide that just like yesterday, today is also a good day to be an asshole?

Maybe the dark side is an energy source, but you have to have the correct receptacle or interface in order to gain access. I suppose that at some point in every persons life that they find themselves able to tune in to the dark side. Kind of like wicked wi-fi. But to remain in the dark perpetually has got to take come effort and commitment and maybe a dedicated landline connecting you to the darkness.

Unless you’re some kind of prick savant, naturally endowed with infinite schadenfreude.

But even with a natural talent, there has to be a reward for being a dick. So, what might that reward be for sempiternal salaciousness? Why do some people feel satisfied and pleased with themselves after they’ve screwed someone else over?

I get it if the person that got screwed had it coming. I also understand that the had it coming part is pretty subjective, but there are countless instances where the dark side demands deplorable behaviour just because the opportunity presents itself.

And there are no shortage of people willing and able to lower themselves to the occasion. They’re lazy and selfish but the supply of them is seemingly endless. Perpetual predators searching for weakness they can exploit for their own benefit.

That’s how we end up with the person who stops at an accident site and steals the victims purse while other people are occupied with first aid. That’s how we end up with that guy that equates a passed out female at a party as an opportunity. Amazon packages on front steps are like manna from the dark side for these fuckers, and they believe two things deep in their heart. The first is that the packages deserve to be taken because they aren’t secured. The second is that if they don’t steal the delivery then someone just like them will.

So, they’re compelled to act because they’ll regret a missed opportunity to acquire something with little or no effort. The pleasure they feel from an easy acquisition is the reward I was talking about earlier.

The darksiders are motivated by something as simple as personal acquisition, and they’re good at it because they’re unhindered by things like honor, decency and conscience.

But being a professional arsehole is about more than material acquisition. It’s a lifestyle. Darksiders see every moment and every person as competition. Darksiders are the one’s eating from the serving trays at buffets. Darksiders are the ones who speed up to stop you from merging. Darksiders are the ones that are always involved in a fight with their neighbors over property lines, dogshit or parking spaces.

Darksiders loot while protesters protest. Darksiders poach game and routinely fish and hunt over their legal limits. Darksiders steal from their employers and they abandon animals at the dump. Darksiders are carpetbaggers, pickpockets and grave thieves.

Basically, if two options are presented to darksiders, they will always select the option that has the least personal pain and the most personal gain. They will make this selection unhesitatingly and repetitively, regardless of the morality of that choice.

The entire philosophy of a darksider is rooted in the belief that everyone else is just like them. They believe that every action taken by another person has an underlying motive for that persons personal gain. They believe that everyone is out to screw them over, and so they’d best screw you before you screw them.

Yeah, they’re interesting people. Not very complicated, but interesting in kind of a cockroach infestation way.