Truly.
Not quite sick enough of them that I’m hoping for a redo of Mountbatten’s yacht, but still, pretty tired of them in the news. I don’t understand why anyone would give even the slimmest of fucks about whether the latest royalette is knocked up with the next entitled whelp that the tax payers get to support.
That support in terms of palaces, security, travel and all the other perks of being a royal has to be substantial. Depending on who you believe, the estimate can reach as high as 454 million dollars or 350 million pounds per year. This year the queen was paid 97 million dollars. This is a huge raise from last year because of an agreement for the taxpayers to fund a 500 million dollar ten year upgrade to Buckingham palace. I’m not sure if the privy purse that most of the royals earn for their landed estates are included in that cost but I don’t think so. I’m also not certain if the cost for security is included but I am sure that the taxpayers get to foot that bill as well.
I get it that lots of people think the cost is worth it but I’m not one of them. In fact, I feel a little flash of irritation each time that Megan or Harry or any other of these inbred fucks is deemed worthy enough to make the news.
Speaking of Harry. I appreciate that the royal lineage has followed their usual pattern of adding fresh blood to the line with a royal affair. I say that because I find it hard to believe on appearances alone that Harry belongs to Charles. Willy is a no brainer. He has Diana’s face and Charlies head, but Harry looks like whoever Diana was boning after Charlie decide for some reason that Camilla Tampon Bowl was more conducive to arousing the royal penis.
Still, the odd illegitimate heir is preferable to hemophilia so whatever works to keep their lineage healthy is a good thing for fans of royalty. And Megan and Harry add some physical characteristics that at least make looking at these assholes tolerable.
I just don’t understand the concept of a king or queen unless you’re playing chess. Even then and considering how old the game is I’ve never been able to wrap my head around why the queen has all the moves but losing your king ends the game.
Back in the day, if you wanted to be King, you needed to get your hands dirty and on occasion a coup of some sort would lead to your head adorning the tower of London. I think that Britain should consider honoring this part of royal tradition with as much enthusiasm as royal weddings, royal birthing’s, the changing of the guard and all the rest of the pomp and circumstance rained upon those who apparently reign. On occasion, Fergie pops up in the news for trying to sell insider stories or some other betrayal of the royal secrecy protocol. She might be a good candidate for a public flaying followed by a beheading or good old draw and quartering. Wembley should even be able to hold all the tourists that would flock to the event. Tourists are important because supporters of the Queen concept claim that Britain earns a considerable amount of money from royotourism. I just made that word up by the way. Added it to my dictionary.
I contend that the odd public execution would be good for tourism.
But, assuming that executions are out of the discussion, then what value does having living royalty add to tourism? The tourism is based on castles and palaces and medieval jails. The fucking queen doesn’t greet tourists as they deplane at Heathrow and Charles isn’t manning a checkpoint at the Chunnel. Charlie prefers skiing in the Alps to mingling with the commoners and I’m pretty sure the queen isn’t interested in conversing with Audrey from Adelaide or slamming a couple of ales with Karen from Kitimat.
So, I further contend that the royal family is a commodity that belongs to taxpaying British citizens. They are funded and supported in their entirety by a claim to tradition and the good will of those taxpayers. The royal family works for the British people and not the other way around. So, they should behave exactly as the commoners desire. Each month of the year should see a change in the royal behaviour as demanded by their bosses.
A request for ideas needs to be circulated to the British people and then a vote may be in order for the best submissions. Maybe as part of the Commonwealth, Canadians would get to add a few suggestions. I for example would like to see the Queen have to wear socks and flip flops and a Freddie Mercury t-shirt every Friday while she shops for her own groceries.
I’m not sure what to do with the rest of them, but I’m certain that the country that produced Monty Python and Benny Hill would come up with some fine ideas that would provide countless hours of hilarity. Having the public decide what it’s actors are going to do next is probably the next stage of reality TV anyway so why not start with the royals? They are after all, just actors playing a role and they need to be treated that way.