There’s been a fair bit of talk about sedition lately in the good old U.S.of A. Not just from the nutters, but from the odd elected official or two. I’m wondering if they’ve really thought this through, or if they’re just running their mouths for publicity, and to make certain that mad king Donald the 1st notices.
For starters, where do you draw a dividing line? The old line of the confederacy isn’t intact any longer, and a few more states have been added since the end of the civil war, so it’s complicated. It seems that the secessionists have determined that there would be America and Trumplandia, but the current configuration of red and blue states doesn’t lend itself too well to one border.
People would have to move I guess. All of the Red people would move from New York and California to Florida and Texas, and vice versa. Maybe they could create an app and people could find a comparably valued house, apartment, or trailer to trade with a family that’s moving the other direction. Swipe left for Blue houses and right for Red ones.
Still, even with a spirit of cooperation, the logistics of dividing the Union would require a Herculean effort. Who gets the nukes? Do they divide the armed forces, and who gets the frigging debt? Does Trumplandia start printing their own money and who gets Washington D.C.? Would another wall need to be built, and who gets the post office and the rest of the federal agencies?
It would seem to me that the states that choose to secede would be responsible for creating all of the accouterments of nationhood. I suppose the Confederate flag could come out of retirement, but that would be one of the simpler tasks the new Confederacy or Trumplandia would face. A new constitution would likely be in order and Trumplandia could write a version that suits their particular tastes and vision for democracy. I’m sure that the genius of the current Republican membership could create a document that rivals the original. Ron Johnson could be the new Jefferson and Matt Gaetz the new Madison. I’m certain the document would be brilliant, and any errors from the first writing could be corrected. Like those pesky thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth, and twenty second amendments.
I suppose there may be some disagreement as to the name of the two new America’s. Obviously the United States is off the table and so both countries may have to come up with new names. In fact, once the secession is complete it’s entirely logical that the states that make up Trumplandia could conceivably change their names as well. North and South Dakota could become one state called Dondakota. It’s got a nice ring to it and then no one would bitch when a deserving Don gets carved into Mount Rush Limbaugh. Except the natives. They’d bitch, but I’m not sure how much support they’d get in Trumplandia.
Anyway.
Idaho could become Ivankaho and North Carolina could get a refresh as Newt Carolina. It’s too bad that Michigan went blue because Mitchigan rolls off the tongue nicely. Kentucky could become Kentucker, and one of the Carolina’s could become Barrolina. North, South, it doesn’t matter. Maybe change both the names. One for Bill and one for Roseanne.
So many possibilities.
It would be a remarkable event to witness if secession became a reality and the leaders of the breakaway states gathered at Mar A Lago to write their new constitution. I think at a minimum, it would be a good idea to have an epi-pen on hand if you have a nut allergy. Because the new Trumplandia delegates would likely be an odd bunch. We’d have Q-anon, the proud and boogaloo boys, and perhaps an updated version of the David Duke KKK. We’d have the entire Trump family and Mike Flynn, plus Rudy and Sydney. There would be a large Fox contingent with Pucker, Inhannity and Lou and Laura leading the way. There would be Ron, American Jihad Johnson and Ted, mission impossible Cruz, plus the aforementioned Matt and Mitch. Also likely to receive an invite would be Lindsay Graham crackers, John, not that Kennedy Kennedy, Herr Steven Miller, Jerry, dick in hand Faldwell, Devin dossier Nunes, Billy dis-Barr, and Roger the dodger Stone.
A stellar group to be sure, half of whom when they pass gas will reflexively utter pardon me, instead of excuse me.
So, what kind of document would these neo-founders produce? Even if they re-adopt the Confederate flag, I’m doubtful they would reintroduce slavery, but a tiered citizenship scenario wouldn’t surprise me. A system where you can work in Trumplandia but you can’t vote because you’re an immigrant or a felon or not white. I would expect a department of religion that oversees no birth control or abortion under any circumstance. I think a department of patriotic education would be on the table, and capital punishment would be the order of the day for a variety of transgressions, like disrespecting king Don.
Trumplandia would be exclusively no homo, and any suspicion of this aberrant activity would see you shipped off to the Tom Cotton fields of Arkansas. Fox would provide the only news aired in Trumplandia with the possible exception of some state mandated social networks. Like Tweeter and Y’all Tube.
Yes, so many possibilities.
In many ways, the secession talk was inevitable. In a country where so much emphasis is placed on individual rights, it was only a matter of time until this fractious moment arrived. The common good is an uncommon sentiment and has been for at least since Obama was elected the first time. George the younger would have dealt with the same scenario as Obama, but he was fortunate enough to have the twin towers happen on his watch. As a result there was a lets kick the snot out of a Muslim country unifying American moment that ended up being the shit show called Iraq and Afghanistan. But the election of a black man was the beginning of the modern day obstructionist movement led by Mitch and it continues to this day.
Probably the best example of a country that’s already seceded in theory, was the sort of impeachment of King Don. Half the government saw a crime, and the other half didn’t even want to look at the argument or the facts. So, America has kind of seceded already.
They just haven’t formally announced it yet.