I can’t say for certain if I’m a team player or not. I’ve been on successful teams before, so success and being part of that success would suggest that I have some team player qualities.
But I always harbor a reservation or two about how I participate in any team setting, and those self imposed constraints might cause some people to conclude that I’m not an ideal team player.
Let’s start with sports.
I always had nerves before the start of any organized competition. The more important the game, the more nerves there were to deal with. But my reaction was always the same in the hour or so leading up to the first pitch or puck drop. I yawned a lot and I had a hard time staying awake. Sometimes I actually fell asleep. I’m not sure why this happened, but it had to be the way my body dealt with stress, because the same sleepiness happened to me prior to writing challenging exams. My best guess is an internal system overload and I was shutting down for a timely reset. The majority of my coaches and teammates considered sleeping an inappropriate pre- game ritual and made a point of letting me know they thought I was fucked up. I thought that I was ready to go as soon as we took to the ice or the field, but I wondered if I was missing something that everyone else understood.
Maybe there was value in slamming a teammates shoulder pads and screaming ass kicking idioms, but that whole process seemed unnatural to me. I knew what I was there to do, and I’d be awake and ready when it was time to play. But I still wonder if I could have made an effort at getting amped up, and if my dislike for that element of team kind of disqualified me from the genuine team player label.
I suppose that every team is going to have a variety of personality types in the mix, but I suspect my type may be missing some other commonalities of team. Like celebrating for example. I suck at celebrating because I lack the ability to display animated enthusiasm. I’m good with a fist bump or a nod of acknowledgment, but I’m not going to participate in a team dance after a touchdown. I always thought those displays were unseemly, and inspiring to your opponent as much or more than they were to your team.
But I was in the minority. Pretty much everyone else had the ability to find some way to physically celebrate. Screaming incoherently, jumping up and down and spraying teammates with beer just wasn’t something I felt compelled to do. Also, I could never understand the desire to hug when that fist bump I mentioned earlier would convey the same message.
I appreciate the way we worked together, but I don’t need to be able to smell your breath to affirm that appreciation.
Or your armpits. I don’t need to smell your armpits either.
I think I have an aversion to immersion, and that reluctance makes it difficult to be totally committed to any team. I’m not sure where the disinclination comes from, but it’s not just a team sport thing for me. It’s deeper than that and extends to all kinds of team efforts. Like religion or politics, where I’ve always felt that being an acolyte was just a convenient method to stop reasoning. Stop asking questions and the next thing you know, you’re in a firing squad at Dachau because you’re a team player, and you made a commitment when you put on the uniform.
I think that it’s a good idea to understand whose philosophy is driving a team before you make a decision about membership. Sometimes you’ve got an Adolf in charge and a second thought at Kristallnacht might save you a seat in the prisoners box at Nuremburg. Assuming you possess enough rectitude to wrest yourself away from the new friends you’ve made, and how fucking awesome all of you look in Hugo Boss black.
It takes an effort to not be seduced by the allure of being part of a team. The uniforms are part of that allure, but I think there’s a deeper psychological reason for our natural inclination to join a team.
Survival.
We’ve always created teams to deal with a problem we can’t handle alone. Hunting and war parties are a team. A village is a team. An army is a team. Anytime we’re faced with adversity, our first inclination is to form a team. Got a terrorist problem? Seal team six is your solution. Active shooter? Call in the swat team.
And the team concept was an inevitability in the workplace. Besides the fact that teamwork in it’s truest form is efficient, there’s also the sense of belonging that inspires people to do shit like take one for the team, or participate in the inanity called team building. I could never understand why H.R. felt the need to force everyone to participate in these events. I get it if everyone’s headed to the sports bar and we’re going to hit golf balls into simulators and drink beer. But I always struggled with the more touchy feely team building adventures I was forced to attend. Like role playing or psychological tests to determine your personality type. Or the facilitator starting an event with some asinine opener like everyone in the room being asked to confess their biggest disappointment in life.
Fuck that. I’m not playing.
However I’m not immune to the responsibility I feel toward people that are ostensibly on my team. It’s challenging to refuse to do something that the rest of the team is doing. Peer pressure is real and it’s elevated in team situations, and so sometimes it becomes necessary to fake it. There’s also the fact that I’m getting paid to participate, and I’m not being asked to drown a puppy to prove my fealty.
So I endured. I’m not sure how well I hid my reluctance, but I knew that my unwillingness to participate in some of the team building rituals was duly noted, because the people forcing us to role play were making their living from this group therapy. And so they immediately ratted out anyone they deemed not to be a team player.
I’m not sure how my bosses reacted to news of my less than enthusiastic participation. I didn’t get fired but there was an occasion or two where I was asked/instructed to remain neutral and not be a detriment. But I still had to show up because of the impression a no show would have on the team.
Essentially I was a team player if I agreed with the objectives of the team. I also found it much easier to embrace the spirit of teamwork if I was in charge, because if I was in charge then I had plenty of say in what the objectives were.
But I was never one of those guys that would do anything for the team. I couldn’t bring myself to deliberately injure an opposing player as an example. Like Bobby Clarke in the summit series where he destroyed the best Russian on the ice with a tomahawk chop to the ankle. But I’m keenly aware that Canada won the series, and tomahawk Bobby’s two minutes for slashing had a great deal to do with that victory.
No one talks about it though. The focus is on Paul Henderson’s goal and not Bob’s assault with a deadly weapon. And that’s kind of my problem with teams. We tend to overlook some really shitty individual acts as long as those acts benefit the team as a whole.
And there never seems to be a shortage of players who will do anything for the team. Some of those players will maim an opponent, and some of them lie and go to jail for the president.
I can’t grasp the concept of giving up your freedom or your honor or credibility for the team. All teams are temporary but your actions on behalf of the team are permanent, so if I’m even going to contemplate taking one for the team, then my sacrifice better be fucking epic.
And honorable. Honorable would be nice too.