Let’s say that the Maggats were successful in their attempt to reinstate their Lying King.
Then what?
Would they have a coronation instead of an inauguration and would everyone in the orange orbit be bestowed new titles by his eminence? I think there would be a fierce competition among the court for the title of Lord Of The Lies. Hell, just about everyone that surrounds the soon to be twice impeached pseudo-president would have claim.
I guess that wee Donnie and Ivanka would be out of the running even if they’re eminently qualified because they’re going to be prince and princess. So that leaves the rest of the non-related supplicants and the inconsequential family to curry the favor of King Don. Lord Rudy would be my bet for the title, but like I said, the competition would be fierce, and Rudy might end up getting the nod for lord mayor of Washington.
So, we’ve got Queen Melody the squinty and her boy Baron Baron who’s titles are obvious. But wee Donnie’s girlfriend Kimberly Gargoyle and Eric the unread would need titles, as well as a host of other loyalists that like to call themselves patriots.
I shall provide some suggestions.
For starters King Don is going to need a purge and a grand Inquisitor. It follows that if Don possesses a divine right to rule then those that oppose that right are traitors. So, all of the Democrats that dared challenge this right have to be rounded up and dealt with. Mike Flynn might be a good choice to be the new age Dorkamata or maybe Teddy Cruz. I could see Teddy getting the nod though. King Don might have some suspicion that Teddy’s fealty was an act meant to impress the peasants and a ploy to claim the throne for himself. So, King Don could appoint Teddy to travel far and wide across the land to root out the evil democrats and thus prove his loyalty to the king. The upside is that Teddy would then likely be universally despised and the king would have nut kicked a potential adversary by using that competitor to do his dirty work. The effort to expose and eradicate the enemies of the King could then be called Cruz control.
It’s got a nice ring to it and would be easy for the peons to remember. Maybe Mikey could be Teddy’s sheriff. His title would be the Sherriff of Notislam.
Let us not forget the scriveners at Fox. One cannot grant them peerage as they do not possess the bloodline. Nevertheless, their loyalty shall not have escaped King Don’s notice and a reward is due. They shall be awarded non-royal Dukedoms and I guess Duchessdoms. Maybe just partition all of Florida and award parcels of land to the airtime acolytes. Duke Tucker of Tallahassee. Duke Hannity of Hialeah. Duke Dobbs of Daytona and Duchess Laura of Lakeland.
The loyalists in the house and Senate shall also deserve remuneration from a grateful nation for their ingratiation to the King . So we’re probably looking at Duke Nunes of Naples, Duke Marco of Miami, Duke Jordan of Jacksonville and Duke McCarthy of Miramar.
I think Mitch would have received something from the king as well had the Guy Fox coup succeeded. After the failure he will be reviled for his treachery,. But we’re operating from the assumption that the King’s men were successful, and Mitch played his cards well enough to go either way depending on the results of the day. So a successful coup would mean Mitch hadn’t yet exposed his intentions and he would likely have claim to a title and lands from the King.
Still, I think King Don has some reservations about Mitch so it’s unlikely he would be in the running for prime real estate. Don the 1st would probably give Mitch some land in the American equivalent of Scotland or Ireland. Maybe Alaska or North Dakota. Duke Mitch of Minot I guess.
I’m not sure what Don the 1st would do with Prince Don. He needs a title and something to do other than shooting endangered animals and robbing the peasants, so what to do with the little prince? Given the women the man finds attractive, perhaps the Kings advisors would suggest he take up a relationship with Caitlyn Jenner. This would ensure an alliance of the house of Trump and the house of Kardashian and that would be great for ratings. However, there would be the problem of producing an heir for the prince and that would be an issue, so I guess on second thought the Caitlyn idea lacks merit.
I guess the crown prince would need a military affiliation. The King can’t have Pompeo in charge. He’s too ambitious and you need a suckling in charge of the nukes and troops so they don’t go astray and start thinking about things like rule of law and such. So, the crown prince will likely become the honorary head of the king’s armies because the King kind of trusts him. Also prince Donnie doesn’t seem to be the sharpest sword in the Armory, so the king doesn’t have to worry too much about the heir apparent poisoning the kings quarter pounders.
That leaves prince Eric, princess Ivanka and maybe princess Tiffany. I think though that Tiffany might not qualify. In many respects they already treat her as illegitimate and once you start allowing all the offspring of the kings dalliances access to peerage then you might have to divide up Texas into dukedoms too. A King has to draw the line somewhere and those pesky DNA tests are best discouraged by not rewarding the illegitimates.
I think Princess Ivanka doesn’t really want to do much of anything other than be admired. So she needs a castle and air force three, so she can share her magnificence with the common folk. She gets air force three because prince Don gets air force two. Anyway, Princess Ivanka will become the face of the Trump royalty as she travels to all the warm places where rich people hang out. This automatically makes Jared the prince consort. However, I think that there’s more opportunity for Jared of Jersey than just an honorary title. He has the kings confidence, and so while princess Ivanka is the public face of the house of Trump, the prince consort will likely be meeting with the foreign powers who are able and likely to fill the kings coffers.
In return for favors bestowed obviously. But still, full coffers right?
What then to do with prince Eric? First of all the princes can hold multiple titles, so I think he would also become prince earl Eric, just like prince baron baron. But he still needs something to do and Jared of Jersey is in charge of the coffers so what might prince Eric do with his time? Maybe prince Don can gift him the coast guard and he can be Viscount of Virginia with Lady Lara. Or maybe royal ambassador to Czar Putin where he can advocate for a union of prince Baron Baron and Katerina. Katerina is Jesus age though. Thirty three is kind of cougar territory for Baron Barron but there’s good news for the entire Trump male royalty.
Consorts.
So you can be married for money and power and still dip the royal wick with impunity.
Sadly for Don the 1st, he’s well past his prime wick dipping, but the prospects for prince baron Baron’s wick dipping are endless. Even with the energy of his late teens, prince baron Baron would be challenged to wick his way through all of the king’s blonde advisors and press secretaries.
I guess Don the 1st would need a royal guard. Somehow I’m betting that the boogaloo and proud boys wouldn’t exactly portray the image the king was looking for. Neck beards and living with your mother aren’t the best qualities for the imperial guard of the house of Trump and so the king would likely look for more imposing specimens. Maybe fill the ranks with professional wrestlers and white non kneeling NFL linemen.
There’s two more positions that the king would need to fill. The first is the head of the police, and the second is the head of the secret police. S.S. and Gestapo so to speak. Both agencies can have the same leader or you can have two leaders. It’s kind of up to the king. Do you empower two potential rivals, or just one with more power? Tough decision for the king, buy hey, isn’t it always good to be the king?
Anyway, the choices for a leader of the kings police would be endless. If the past few weeks behavior of Republican politicians is an indicator, then it’s clear that any number of ambitious Americans are willing to do anything to wield power. They will lie and cheat and debase themselves to the king just for the opportunity to feel influential. And of course to enrich themselves and piss on the peons.
A little violence, incarceration, torture and a few thousand executions of the kings enemies wouldn’t even be a blip on their conscience radar.
Finally, you can’t ignore religion. A state faith is best and the evangenitals are the answer. Not the perfect answer, but then no religion is perfect from the kings perspective. They tend to be morally troublesome because sometimes they veer from the king and think there may be another authority. But somebody like Friar Faldwell would come in mighty handy for purging Muslims and liberals. Also the evangenitals have a track record of forgiving themselves for extramarital wick dipping and that might benefit baron Baron.
Anyway, I wonder if the Maga mob thought this whole thing through. It would be interesting to sit one of them down and hear what they thought a perfect outcome might be.
Somehow I get this feeling that they felt everything would go back to the way it was. They could ignore covid, hate the libs and be scared shitless of every change happening around them, without them, and in spite of them.
And somehow King Don would keep them safe and protect their rights.
I’m glad they failed, but my alarm that they exist remains intact and until they vanish or perish I can’t fully trust or understand what motivates a good portion of Americans. I feel no assurances that there will be any resolution any time soon either. Because I don’t think even Americans understand what motivates Americans.
It just seems like they’re afraid of everything and willing to fight about all of the things that scare them.
So, everything.