There’s a certain kind of synthesis between red necks and blue collars that doesn’t exist in anywhere near the same measure for any other grouping of humans. There are exceptions of course, because we’re talking about people, and there are always exceptional people in one fashion or another. Some engineers for example can both design and construct, but in my experience the majority of engineers come out of school with an attitude of superiority that doesn’t lend itself well to much of a provision of respect for the people that physically turn a design into a reality. However, I will say that engineers that learn to value the trades are the best engineers I’ve ever worked with.
Anyway, back to blue collars and red necks.
I challenge anyone who doubts my words to find a trio of red necks where none of the three are aware of the difference between a crescent wrench and a pipe wrench. The same calculation applied to white collar or executive types may require five or maybe ten participants before someone would be able to explain the difference. Even then, the odds are the person who can differentiate between the tools has never relied on their skill in wielding those tools to resolve a plumbing or mechanical emergency.
That’s what contractors are for.
Unless you know a guy. A guy whose red neck is visible above his blue collar. I’m not saying that there aren’t a few females who can fix a toilet or put down flooring, but I am saying that I have a list of friends to call when I need another set of hands, and that list is primarily male. Exclusively male when we’re talking about what we call the trades. Plumbing, carpentry, electrical, mechanical and anything that involves carrying heavy shit or going on the roof.
Gender aside though, there are people on this planet that keep the lights on and the water flowing. Every fucking morning people across the world get out of their beds. turn a light on and run water to make coffee or to clean some part of themselves. Almost none of those people take a moment while brushing their teeth to even consider who made the convenience possible.
I’ll provide a hint. It wasn’t Eric or either of the Donald’s. And just to be fair, I highly doubt it would be Mark Carney or Pee Pee Pete either.
There are three distinct foundations of our physical society that are required for that society to function. Someone has to think of shit, someone has to build the shit, and someone has to maintain the shit. I absolutely understand the value of the thinkers of shit, but I think that for the most part those people are provided their deserved accolades. But no one calls Bill Gates when their router stops routering. They call a guy they know, and if they don’t know a guy then they look for a guy they don’t know. That guy usually has a toolbox in a truck or a van and he’s called a contractor.
I’m not certain that every person on the planet goes through the process I’m about to describe, but I think it’s pretty common for all of us and more common for males. Let’s say something stops functioning in your household. A light, a toilet or a lawnmower. The first thought considered is typically, can I fix this thing myself ?
This moment is harder for guys I think. It’s harder because there’s a societal expectation that if you’re male then you should naturally possess some skills that require owning tools, and being able to use them effectively. If you’re a male with even a hint of a blue collar or a red neck, then the self expectation of handling the problem yourself is high enough to cause shame if you’re unable. And if you don’t feel any shame then the odds are good that the guy you called to solve the problem for you is going to provide the shame you failed to self inflict.
If that guy doesn’t straight up ask you why the fuck you didn’t fix this yourself, then you know in your heart that same guy is going to be having a beer with fellow blue collars, and they’re all going to have a chuckle over your ineptitude with a simple soldering job.
That’s a moment almost all women get to avoid. I’ve never heard an electrician call any woman a dumb ass bitch because she didn’t do the wiring for the new lights she fell in love with at Home Depot. It’s different for guys though. Guys know they’re going to get judged, and not just by other guys. Whether women admit it or not, I’m pretty confident that they also quietly provide judgement based on an expectation of some kind of mechanical competence from the male gender.
I don’t think they gather for brunch margarita’s and make fun of the unable to solder guy. But I do think that they quietly place that male in a different category. Not necessarily a lower category, but perhaps a category that’s useful for something else.
Like a candidate that would agree to ballroom dancing lessons. Which is a venue that I’m confident has a shortage of rednecks. Also, if I had to wager, I would place my money with the people who gamble that Richard Gere and Antonio Banderas have never replaced a toilet seal.
When I started with this train of thought my intent wasn’t to venture into the land of gender. So I’m going to abandon the male/female comparison and try and get back on track.
Everyday their are a legion of people who perform the tasks that keep the water flowing and the lights glowing. Some of them get paid for it and those are the people that you see at the contractor kiosk at Home Depot. But for every one of those people there are ten more guys wandering around the aisles looking for a part or a tool that they’re about to use for the first time. Like drywall mud, or a wire stripper.
Then those same people go home and discover that the task at hand looked a fuck of a lot easier on the YouTube video they watched before they drove to the hardware store. And that’s because the guy in the video wasn’t drywalling for the first time. That guy was a pro and he has a truck and a phone number that you can call.
One of those guys.
I think we should have a day in the year where we celebrate both the pro’s and the DIY people. We honestly have national chicken wing day and national hammock day, so I think we can pencil in a day for the people that keep the world running. Maybe have a parade and a barbeque afterwards. Odds are there would be some well constructed floats, and if anything goes for a shit at the barbeque that someone in attendance is going to have tools in their truck that can fix the problem.
If the idea catches on then maybe the next step is the parade ends at a fairground and all the redneck blue collars have booths set up where you can take your broken shit to be repaired.
We can call it that guy you call day.