I think that lots of people that aren’t American are wondering about the midterm elections results. I’m one of those people, but while I was speculating about how the obese orange man was going to react to those results, it occurred to me that the concept of midterm doesn’t exist in Canada.
The Americans on the other hand, have their federal elections staggered so that there’s a shuffle of the governing deck every two years. The president gets a four year term, and I guess the word midterm is used in deference to those four years allotted to the highest office in the land. But for some reason senators get a six year term and congress gets a two year term. The senate also is split into three groups so that every two years a third of that governing body is facing a reckoning from the voters.
I’m not certain of the logic of the two, four and six decision but I’m guessing the design was intended to provide a balance to tyranny. The idea being that the founders didn’t want a particular governing mindset to become too comfortable with a majority. I don’t think those same founders anticipated a set in stone two party system, but that’s the way things have worked out and so it’s probably for the best that the entire MAGA congress doesn’t get to hang out with Donnie for a full four years.
So, with the current set up the American voters get to participate in a performance review every two years.
Donnie is desperately trying to find a way to either deny the results of that review, or prevent the review altogether. Because whether it’s fair or not, the review is a judgement not only of the performance of a third of the senators and all of the congress, but also a critique of the performance of the president. The presidential performance is in my opinion worthy of a job termination, but even with all of Mr. Trumps latest rally insanity, the Americans remain hesitant to have Natalie pack his diaper bags and send him to a Florida nursing home.
But if the congress and senate were actually doing their jobs, this whole dementia debacle would have been called out before the first few hints of unhinged lunacy turned into a daily occurrence. But neither governing body rose to the occasion, and so in a couple of days I’m hoping they get judged for spineless complicity that has allowed Donald fucking Trump to remake America in his image.
An image that reminds me of the proverb, like a gold ring in a pigs snout is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. Assuming of course that America was once metaphorically a beautiful woman in possession of discretion.
I’m thinking that the proverb analogy is kind of old school, so I’ll throw another pig reference out there to describe six years of Don. How about putting lipstick on a pig? I think that works, although the golden part of the proverb suits the current decorative status of the Oval Office.
But all the pig and gold comparisons aside, and assuming the midterms are actually allowed to proceed and aren’t ignored by Mango Mussolini, I want to present a scenario to the undecided American voters.
Let’s say that someone in your family has organized an extended family event. Perhaps a week long trip to Disneyworld with all the kids and the grandkids. No expense spared, Disney’s grand Floridian resort and spa, front row firework seats, premium passes and breakfast with Mickey.
Let’s say a few of the adults in this group were sitting around a kitchen table drinking coffee and debating the logistics. Hotel and flight bookings and assorted details to make the trip memorable. Eventually one of the adults in the room is going to have to put the itinerary options aside, and ask the question everyone’s been avoiding.
Are we going to bring grandpa?
Now it’s truth or consequences time. Someone has to carry his diaper bag and perform the tasks associated with an adult diaper bag. Consideration will also have to be given to the fact that a day of the trip is scheduled at the waterpark, and a few of the kids are female between thirteen and seventeen, and will be wearing bikini’s. Maybe grandpa should sit that one out, so wet and wild security doesn’t have to get involved in a groping incident at the wave pool.
Also I’m guessing that if Grandpa is going, that the adults at the coffee gathering have already decided that he’s not going to be allowed to manage the hotel and flight bookings, or be in charge of the trip finances. I think as a group there would have been some pushback if each family was asked to fork over ten grand and trust Grandpa to manage the cash.
Another of the table adults would probably take a sip of their coffee and ask about taking grandpa out in public. Assuming security let him go after the water park incident, the extended family still has to eat somewhere, because take out from MacDonalds isn’t a great option for an entire week. Coffee sipping adult would likely have to point out that taking grandpa to Corazon Cocina Mexicana isn’t a great idea because halfway through La Catrina Tamales I.C.E. might show up because someone forgot to take Grandpa’s phone away from him.
Although if the restaurant outing were after the waterpark, then maybe his phone would already have been in one of the adult daughters purses after showing security that all the pictures of fourteen year old’s were properly deleted.
But even with a confiscated phone, mixing Grandpa and Mexicans isn’t a great plan, and is the entire family willing to risk having another security incident after Grandpa has a public freak out about illegal immigrants? I mean it was bad enough getting booted out of Typhoon Lagoon before the kids all got to hit the waterslides. Now we’re contemplating getting the boot from an eatery before we can finish a bowl of tortilla chips and our first margarita.
So with the grandpa subject now up for discussion, the table adults would concede that one of them is going to have to babysit grandpa at all times. A new schedule would have to be produced where the responsibility was divided among the grown ups. I’m guessing the diaper bag duties would be a shitty decision. But someone would have to make sure that he didn’t fucking wander off in the park, and someone would have to stay in his room so he didn’t throw ketchup all over the walls and order three adult movies every night.
That would be a great question to ask at the front desk at the Magic Kingdom. Ummmm, can adult movies be ordered from the rooms here? Because if they can then someone will have to initiate a block on streaming services to Grandpa’s room before the person settling the bill has to pay for ten viewings of Teenage Cheerleaders Of Mara Lago.
Decisions, decisions right?
So, the Congees and the Senate were supposed to be the adults having coffee at the table. Basically what they’ve done is not just let Grandpa run fucking wild. They’ve encouraged him. They’ve lied for him and bailed him out of every groping accusation. They’ve refused to hand his phone over to the authorities and they’ve given him a platinum credit card to order all the porn movies he wants.
And now the American adults who choose to vote get to decide if they want those same caretakers to take Grandpa on another trip.
That’s the midterms.